5 Hidden Signs of Burnout for Asian Americans
If you're an Asian American high-achiever in tech or the Bay, your brain probably sounds like this:
"I should be grateful. Why am I like this? Other people have it worse."
Meanwhile, you’re powering through 60-hour weeks, faking small talk on Slack, trying not to cry in your car, and wondering if anyone else feels this empty inside.
You’re not lazy. You’re not broken.
You’re burned out—and no, it’s not just about the workload.
It’s everything underneath: the guilt, the pressure, the belief that asking for help means you failed.
This is what I help clients work through every day.
I'm Alex Ly, a Fremont therapist for high-achieving Asian Americans who look like they’ve got it together—but secretly feel like they’re unraveling.
If you're wondering whether you're burned out, here are 5 signs my clients say hit a little too close to home:
Top Signs of Burnout in Asian Americans
1. You’re bone-tired but feel guilty resting
Even with sleep, you're running on fumes. You feel guilty for not being productive, even on your day off.
"I literally feel like a shell. I wake up tired. I go to sleep tired. And still, I can't stop grinding."
This isn’t about willpower. Your body is done. Your brain just hasn't gotten the memo yet.
And part of the problem? You were taught to ignore your body. Growing up, rest wasn’t seen as care—it was laziness. You were praised for powering through exhaustion, studying late even when you were sick, and always doing more. That conditioning doesn’t disappear just because you’re an adult now. If your body feels like it’s screaming but your brain says, "keep going," you’re not broken—you’re trained.
2. Sundays ruin your weekend (aka. Sunday Scaries)
You start spiraling halfway through Saturday. Not because anything's wrong—just the thought of going back into work mode makes your stomach churn.
"I can’t even enjoy brunch. My brain is already in Monday meetings."
This isn’t just anxiety. It’s dread. And it’s a warning sign.
3. You feel nothing (and you hate that too)
You used to care. You used to feel driven. Now? You're going through the motions, scrolling on social media.
"I’m not even sad. I’m just... blank. Like I’m living someone else’s life."
That numbness is a survival strategy. It keeps you functioning—but at a cost.
And here's what makes it worse: nothing feels enjoyable anymore. Food doesn’t taste as good. Music doesn’t move you. Hobbies feel like chores. You can technically function—get up, work, smile at coworkers—but inside, it feels like you’re fading.
It starts to look a lot like high-functioning depression. You can keep going, but you're not really living. You're stuck in a life that looks fine from the outside but feels empty on the inside.
4. You’re resentful —and then ashamed of it
You notice how your coworker does half the work and still gets praised. You’re constantly comparing, keeping score, silently fuming.
"I’m carrying so much. But then I feel guilty for being bitter. Like I should just be better."
Sometimes, you start chasing "comp"—salary, bonuses, recognition—because it's the only thing that feels tangible. You're burned out, but you’re not setting boundaries. You keep saying yes, overworking, hoping the paycheck or praise will make it worth it. It never does.
Burnout is more than fatigue. It's emotional whiplash—and it’s fueled by being overextended, underboundaried, and deeply under-acknowledged.
5. You think everything is your fault
You’re convinced you’re just not good enough, not efficient enough, not resilient enough.
"Everyone else seems fine. Maybe I just can’t hack it."
For some, burnout shows up as resentment. For others, it turns inward—as guilt. When your team struggles or your company falls short, you quietly blame yourself. You think, "If I were better, this wouldn’t have happened."
You start comparing yourself to everyone around you and always come up short. No matter how much you get done, you feel like you're failing.
So What Now? Tips to Address Burnout
Burnout doesn’t get better by working harder. Here's what actually helps:
1. Call it what it is
Burnout. Not weakness. Not failure. Not "just a rough patch." This is important because naming burnout prevents you from minimizing your pain, allowing you to address the real cause.
2. Don’t suffer alone
Therapy isn't about talking it out and leaving empty-handed. We practice real-life shifts together: saying no, setting boundaries, noticing what your body is screaming at you.
And even before therapy, just talking to someone—a trusted friend, coworker, or community—can help. You don’t have to unpack it all alone in your head. Sharing what you’re feeling, even if it’s messy or unfinished, can take the pressure off and remind you you’re not crazy for feeling this way.
3. Set boundaries that actually hold
Not theoretical ones. Real ones. Like turning off Slack at 6. Not replying to messages in bed. Saying, "I can't take that on right now."
4. Rebuild your inner compass
Burnout erases your sense of what you want. We reconnect with that—not through life plans, but through noticing what feels exciting, annoying, or just plain "no."
Sometimes this means reevaluating your values—or actually developing them for the first time.
If you’ve spent your life doing what you were told, chasing what’s "safe" or "successful," you may realize your inner compass isn’t broken—it just never got a chance to form.
That’s not your fault, but it is your work now.
This is where getting professional support matters.
Therapy can help you start naming what matters to you—not your parents, not your boss, not society—and make decisions that actually feel aligned with who you are, not just who you’re expected to be.
Here's the REAL truth: Burnout Isn’t Just About Work. It’s About Conditioning.
If your childhood taught you to keep your head down, never complain, and always excel, it makes sense you’re here.
This is the Good Asian Upbringing in action. You were taught to survive by:
Being the most responsible one
Swallowing your needs to keep the peace
Making success look effortless
Never asking for help because it meant weakness
And here's the thing: these exact traits—being overly responsible, avoiding conflict, pushing through pain, ignoring your own needs—are the fuel for burnout.
When you're trained to be useful before you're allowed to be human, burnout isn’t a glitch. It’s the outcome. You were never taught how to rest without guilt, advocate for yourself without shame, or say no without fearing rejection.
So no—you're not broken. You were conditioned to ignore yourself. And that conditioning is what’s keeping you stuck.
Lets Stop Burnout Now! Schedule a Consultation with an Asian Therapist
You don’t need to feel ashamed for burning out. You were set up to. And healing doesn’t just mean resting more—it means learning a whole new way of being.
That’s what therapy with me is about. We don’t just talk about your burnout, we practice the skills you never got to build:
How to set boundaries that actually hold
How to stop overfunctioning and people-pleasing
How to tune into your body instead of overriding it
How to name what you want, not just what others expect
Together, we connect the dots between your Good Asian Upbringing and the patterns keeping you stuck. We take those insights and translate them into real-life change.
The outcomes? My clients report:
Feeling less anxious and more clear-headed
Saying no without spiraling in guilt
Having healthier, more reciprocal relationships
Feeling more like themselves than they ever have
You don’t have to keep burning out just to prove your worth. You can build a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on paper.
Ready to Stop Holding It All Together?
You don’t have to keep performing wellness while secretly unraveling.
