Trauma Stops With Bad Asians

Trauma Therapist in the Bay Area

To My “Good Asians”

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Man in gray cardigan sitting on a wooden bench outdoors surrounded by trees

Growing up, nothing you did ever felt good enough.

A 70%, 80%, 95% wasn’t enough—it had to be 100%.

Crying or messing up got you in yelled at and spanked.

Chopsticks, weren’t just for eating, feather dusters weren’t just for cleaning, and sandals didn’t stay on your parent’s feet.

There was yelling, slammed doors, and cold silences.

Speaking up wasn’t allowed, even when things were unfair.

Staying quiet was called “respect.”

You were told to work harder and be perfect.

You were always compared to others, ‘Look at your cousin—med school!’ ‘That neighbor’s kid skipped a grade!’

Your achievements never seemed to measure up.

Mistakes weren’t lessons—they were failures.

If you’re nodding along, it’s probably because this is what you lived through.

It was the “normal” you grew up with, the blueprint that shaped your world.

Back then, it felt like there wasn’t another way, right?

That’s just how things worked, and you adapted because you had to. But here's the thing: just because that’s how it was doesn’t mean that’s how it has to stay.

Fast forward to now—you're an adult.

You learned to push through, to hustle, to make it look like you’ve got it all figured out.

Yeah, it seems like you do. You’re high-functioning, capable, maybe even thriving in some ways.

Here’s whats your life is looking like now:

You keep your feelings locked up tight, worried that being vulnerable will bring judgment.

When a friend offers a hand, your default response is, “No, I’ve got it.”

You apologize for things you didn’t even do and tiptoe around, terrified a single word might push someone away.

You say “yes” to things just to keep the peace.

In relationships, you pour everything into making your partner happy. You act like everything’s fine, secretly hoping your partner won’t walk away.

You put their needs first, every time, even if it means ignoring your own.

And yet, you end up feeling invisible, like your only role is to hold things together while everything else falls apart.

But here’s the thing: you’re not meant to live like this.

You’re not here to shrink, to silence yourself, or to keep everyone else comfortable at your own expense.

What if you stopped apologizing for who you are?

What if you let yourself take up space, speak your truth, and demand the same energy you give?

Therapy That Gets Asian American Trauma

Here’s the deal.

Healing as an Asian American isn’t like healing for everyone else—it hits different.

You don’t need a therapist casually telling you to "just talk it out with your parents" or someone who can’t understand why the word "ungrateful" feels like a punch to the gut every time you hear it.

You ALSO don’t need a neutral, play-it-safe therapist who’s all about avoiding conflict or walking on eggshells.

And no, just because they’re Asian doesn’t mean they automatically get it.

You deserve someone who’s not afraid to challenge you, who doesn’t waste your time with abstract, head-in-the-clouds theories, or tries too hard to tick the “culturally sensitive” box without actually showing up for you in a real way.

You need a trauma therapist who gets it.

Someone who’s been in the trenches—who’s felt the weight of guilt, shame, and those heavy, unspoken expectations.

Someone who’s wrestled with it all and come out the other side and can teach you the skills to do the same.

Alex Ly, Trauma Therapist - Bad Asian Therapist

Man sitting on a log in a forested area, wearing a gray and blue plaid sweater and red pants, with trees and a wooden bridge in the background.

I’m Alex Ly, the Bad Asian Therapist, here to help you tackle the stuff that really matters—not just slap a Band-Aid on the surface.

Let’s talk about trauma therapy.

It’s not just about “healing”—it’s about breaking free. Free from the cultural expectations, generational cycles, and those “what will people think?” moments that have been dragging you down for way too long.

If guilt and shame feel like second nature, trust me—you’re not the only one.

That constant pressure to measure up to everyone else’s rules? The unspoken family dynamics?

The “be perfect or else” mindset?

I’ve helped countless "good" Asian sons and daughters who felt trapped just like you.

They’ve gone on to build healthy relationships, live authentic lives, and yes, even screw up sometimes (and survive it!).

When you’re ready, I’m here to help you move from surviving to thriving.

You’re not the only one who feels like this, and guess what?

The world doesn’t need another perfect Asian kid.

The world needs the real you.

Schedule an intro call and talk about what it really means to own your “bad” in all the best ways.

This is your moment to start unlearning the rules that were never yours, rebuilding on your terms, and stepping fully into who you’re meant to be.

FAQ about Trauma Therapy with Alex Ly, Bay Area Therapist

  • Trauma therapy typically spans one to two years, a necessary duration to foster deep and lasting change. In my practice as a trauma therapist in the Bay Area, I focus on addressing the root causes of trauma, not just symptom management. This depth of work ensures profound, sustainable healing. I understand concerns about the time and financial investment involved.
    However, the tangible outcomes—improved relationships, self-esteem, and overall quality of life—are invaluable. Healing cannot be rushed; it requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to safety and efficacy. View this journey as a significant investment in your well-being, leading to a more empowered and peaceful life.

  • Absolutely not. As a trauma therapist in the Bay Area, I deeply understand the fear of being retraumatized. This concern is valid, yet it's crucial to distinguish between misconceptions and the reality of effective trauma therapy.

    Many carry stories of therapy exacerbating their trauma, but in a proper therapeutic setting, this shouldn't occur. A foundational aspect of my approach is building a relationship based on trust and safety before delving into deeper therapeutic work. This ensures that the process is gradual, respectful, and, most importantly, safe.

    The outcomes of trauma therapy, when conducted correctly, are profoundly positive. Clients often experience significant improvements in their emotional well-being and daily functioning. The journey through trauma therapy can indeed be challenging and uncomfortable at times, but it is designed to heal, not harm.

    Embrace this path with hope and reassurance. In our sessions, your safety and comfort are paramount, and we will navigate your healing at a pace that feels right for you. Trauma therapy is about empowerment, not retraumatization.

  • Trauma therapy differs significantly from traditional talk therapy, particularly in its approach to healing. As a Bay Area trauma therapist, I focus on healing trauma not just cognitively but at the bodily level. Unlike talk therapy, which often centers on symptom management and cognitive understanding, trauma therapy delves into the physiological aspects of trauma, addressing how it's stored in the body.

    Methods like Brainspotting directly target the physical manifestations of trauma, offering a more integrated healing process. This is crucial since trauma affects both mind and body, and addressing only the cognitive aspects can lead to increased dissociation and a disconnect between thoughts and physical experiences.

    In contrast, trauma therapy provides a holistic approach, ensuring that healing encompasses your entire being. It's more than understanding your trauma; it's about a transformative healing process that reconnects you with yourself in a deeper, more integrated way.

  • Absolutely, you can begin trauma therapy even if you're not ready to dive deep into your traumas. As a trauma therapist in the Bay Area, I emphasize the importance of building safety and trust in our therapeutic relationship first. Good trauma therapy isn't just about confronting past traumas head-on; it's also about addressing your present issues and establishing a sense of security. We'll work at a pace that feels comfortable for you, gently challenging and guiding you towards healing, while respecting your boundaries and readiness to confront deeper issues. Your journey to healing is a collaborative and gradual process.

  • In trauma therapy, the first session is pivotal. It sets the stage for our journey together, focusing on defining the positive outcomes you aspire to achieve. As a dedicated trauma therapist, I ensure each session is client-led, providing a safe and open space for you to express your needs and concerns.

    Our sessions are intricately tied to your therapy goals. This approach ensures that every conversation, every insight, contributes meaningfully to your healing journey. Trauma therapy is not just about talking; it integrates both mind and body to address trauma stored physically, using techniques like brainspotting.

    Expect each session to be a balance of safety and challenge. This dynamic environment is essential for deep healing. We'll navigate your experiences at a pace that respects your comfort yet encourages growth and transformation. Your journey to healing starts here, in a space designed for your empowerment and renewal.

  • Absolutely, yes. As a trauma therapist in the Bay Area, I want to reassure you that complete recall of every detail is not necessary for healing. Trauma therapy focuses primarily on how you feel and on processing the emotions that reside within your body. It's not uncommon for dissociation, a natural protective mechanism of the mind, to blur specific memories of traumatic events. This is a normal response to trauma and does not hinder the therapy process.

    In our sessions, the emphasis is on understanding and working through the emotional and physical responses that arise, even without a complete narrative. The journey of healing is about reconnecting with yourself, learning to understand and manage your feelings, and ultimately, transforming these experiences into a source of strength.

    Remember, your path to healing doesn't require perfect clarity of the past. It's about moving forward with compassion and understanding, one step at a time.