You Did Everything Right — So Why Are You So Exhausted All the Time?
You’re Exhausted, and You’re Not Crazy
You were the good kid. You followed the rules. You got the grades. You didn’t talk back. You didn’t ask for much.
And what did it get you?
A job that leaves you anxious and depleted. A dating life that feels like an endless audition.
Relationships that feel transactional, not nourishing. And an inner voice that only knows how to criticize.
You did everything "right." You got the degree, the job, maybe even the house, the kids, the partner. You text your parents vacation photos to prove you’re living the dream.
And yet...
You wake up tired.
You’re not just tired. You’re drained. And you’re not just drained, you are stuck and don’t know what to do about it.
What You’ve Tried (And Why It Didn't Work)
But knowing what resourceful Asian you are, maybe you’ve just tried to ignore it.
You’ve probably tried to push through it. Not with bubble baths and journaling, but with what you’ve always done best: keeping it together.
You go to work even when you feel like garbage. You keep your family fed, your coworkers happy, your image intact. You perform. You produce. You make money. You make others proud.
You don’t do self-care. You do survival.
You’ve trained yourself to believe that your feelings are distractions. That your needs are optional. That taking care of yourself is either weakness, laziness, or luxury.
You show up to every obligation but can’t remember the last time you showed up for yourself.
And asking for help? That’s not even on the radar. You’ve survived by not needing anyone. You’re so good at hiding your pain, even you forget it’s there.
But here’s the truth: This isn’t something you can fix with a better routine.
The problem isn’t your schedule. It’s the story you’ve been taught to live.
You were taught to push through. Smile. Be strong. Be good.
So now, you feel guilty for wanting rest. For wanting more. For wanting anything at all.
You’re on edge unless you’re proving yourself. You feel like a fraud, even though everyone else thinks you’re doing great.
You’ve mastered meeting everyone else’s needs—except your own. You don’t know how to rest without guilt. How to want without apology. How to be proud of yourself without a gold star.
That exhaustion you carry? It’s not weakness. It’s the cost of molding yourself to be “good” every day.
So What’s the Real Problem?
Let’s start with what it’s not:
Not that you’re lazy.
Not that you’re ungrateful.
Not that you haven’t tried hard enough.
The real problem? The invisible script you’ve been living your whole life. The one that says:
“If you’re good enough, selfless enough, obedient enough—then maybe you’ll be worthy.”
Let’s call it what it is: the Good Asian Upbringing.
You know the rules:
Obey your elders.
Don’t talk back.
Get good grades.
Don’t disappoint the family.
It wasn’t just cultural. It was survival. Our parents faced war, scarcity, racism. They passed down what kept them alive: blend in, be excellent, never make waves.
But surviving isn’t living.
And now?
You’re always producing, never resting.
Always giving, never receiving.
Always pleasing, never asking.
You’re stuck in survival mode—but calling it success.
Let’s Break the Pattern
If you’re still reading, some part of you is ready.
You’ve pushed long enough. What you need now isn’t another productivity hack—it’s truth.
Truth about how you were raised. Truth about what it’s cost you. Truth about who you might be without all the guilt and pressure.
Start there. Read the next post. Understand the script. Name it. That’s the first step.
And if you’re tired of carrying it all alone, therapy is where you get to lay it down. Not to be fixed—but to finally find you.
Want to Know More About What's Really Behind the Exhaustion?
You didn’t just “turn out this way.” The Good Asian Upbringing shaped how you work, love, and live.
In the next blog, we break it down: What the Hell Is the Good Asian Upbringing?
If your life looks fine on paper but you’re quietly falling apart inside—read this next.
Work with Alex Ly, The Bad Asian Therapist
If you’re done surviving and ready to thrive, schedule a free intro call with Alex Ly, The Bad Asian Therapist—an Asian American therapist in California who helps high-achieving, quietly exhausted Good Asians break out of the roles and rules that were never built for them.
If you're looking for an Asian therapist who gets it—not just the pressure, but the silence underneath it—Alex Ly offers a space to unpack all of it. The shame. The conditioning. The weight of being good.
Break the script. Reclaim your life.
About the Author: Alex Ly, Asian American Therapist
Alex Ly is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and the voice behind The Bad Asian Therapist. As an Asian American therapist based in California, Alex specializes in helping first- and second-generation clients break out of the emotional survival strategies they were raised with—strategies that often show up as chronic anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and burnout.
Whether you’re seeking support for cultural identity, trauma, or high-functioning anxiety, Alex brings compassion, cultural fluency, and a no-BS approach to healing. His work is especially focused on helping clients who grew up under the “Good Asian Upbringing” finally reclaim their voice and agency.
Alex offers both virtual therapy for California residents and in-person sessions in Fremont, CA. If you're looking for a trauma therapist, anxiety therapist, or Asian therapist who understands both your history and your hustle—Alex Ly is here to help.
